Student Vacation? Need advice!

[Julie_Mouse]

WARNING LONG POST!
Question for all the parents and other university students out there (Sorry it’s long! A bit of background info first):

I’m about to begin my 4th year of my Honours Bachelor’s degree. My parents have paid for my tuition and textbooks out of an RESP, and they will finance this year as well. Though I live at home, I have worked every summer full-time and part-time during every school year for spending money, and to accumulate some savings. This summer, I got a really great (translation: high paying!) job and I will not have to work part-time during the year, which will give me more time to study (raise my GPA!), and spend time writing really stellar grad school applications. My parents have already told me that they aren’t in a financial position to finance my graduate education (if I get in…fingers crossed!), and I’m completely fine with that: in fact, I feel that it would be wrong NOT to pay for my own graduate training.

Now, my DBF and I are both Disney fanatics, as is my DB. DB’s GF would be too, if she had ever been! The four of us (myself, DBF, DB, DB’s GF) thought right before university starts in September (we’re all students at the same school) would be a great time to all go together, with the free dining and everything. We even decided to drive a few hours to an airport across the US border to reduce the cost of airfare. In total, the trip with free dining comes to about $750 CAD – which is a great deal when you live way up here in Canada!

We are all financially able to afford the trip, but, as DB and I still live at home, we thought it would be respectful to run it by the ‘rents first. From my signature, you can see that our family was in Disney this past February, and prior to that, I visited with friends/friends’ families in May 08 and August 07. Well, long story short, my parents have basically said “You don’t need our permission, so you could go, but we don’t think it’s a good idea”. Even though I’ve offered to show them my budget and prove that I have ample money saved up to get me through this school year without working, GRE exam fees and courses, and possibly even next summer if I’m not able to find work, they feel that because the fam was there in Feb, another trip isn’t very financially responsible. Since they’re paying for my education, and allowing me to live at home without paying rent, it’s because of them that I’ve been able to save up as much money as I have, and be able to afford this trip. However, on the flip side, because they’re paying for my education and letting me live with them, I also feel it would be rude to disregard what they say and go anyway.

So HELP! What are your thoughts? They said I could go, and, though they might not believe me, I DO have more than enough saved up to be able to afford it, so should I? How can I convince them that this is a great opportunity? Once (or if) I get into grad school, I will be moving out, and will probably not be able to afford a Disney vacation on my own for many years Any insight or advice appreciated!

[faline]

Given the amount of money your parents are contributing to your education and living expenses, you really can't afford as much as you think you can. I'd respect their wishes on this one.

[VWL Mom]

Are they objecting due to finances or because you plan on traveling with DBF?

[Disney Doll]

Would it help if you planned to work during your senior year? How will you afford to move out before graduate school? I would say keep talking to your parents. Tell them that you really want to go, but only if they agree. Ask them to look at your budget, not to prove that you can afford it, but so they can help you plan for the things you might not have considered. Planning to move out in a year is a big step and if you are not working during the school year I'm sure you will need any extra money you can save up.

[SBETigg]

I would really want to go and feel a vacation is usually needed, but there are cheaper ways to vacation. One day, you'll be in a position to be independent and financially stable enough to afford grand vacations. I was in a similar position and I never took an expensive spring break or trip. I didn't go to WDW on my own until my honeymoon. Financing my education was my priority. I think it's a bit of a slap to your parents to take their money for school, and then to use your own money to go on vacations.

Think of what they have probably given up to pay for your education. You could take that vacation money and give them a break in what they're contributing to your education, or apply it toward future costs. I'm thinking of this because I'm about to start paying my son's tuition and I know that I'll be on a much tighter budget (though it's well worth it and I'm glad to pay). With grad school on the horizon, this might not be the time to go. It's a big decision. Best wishes with it.

[AuntDJ]

My original thought was you should go...but then I kept reading and since you asked your parents you should abide by their answer.

I also agree that if you had to pay for any of school, you would not have the funds for a big vacation....perhaps you all should consider a small vacation this year and plan Disney as a graduation present once you finish college, prior to grad school.

DJ

[beksy]

Well my situation is a little different. My parents didn't pay for any of my education (I had full scholarship for school and additional scholarships for other expenses. I did live at home to help my parents since my sister was little still and my Mom was/is really sick so it kind of evened out. I helped out more than usual at home and gave them money/bought groceries/etc. to help out). I moved four hours away from home to start law school last August. My parents aren't in a financial situation to help me out now so I have scholarships and student loans to get me through law school. I worked a few years in between so I have my car paid off and had (yes, past tense!) some savings going into law school. I'm also older (just turned 27). I can totally understand where you are coming from. In fact, we are taking a trip this Dec/Jan as the mid-point of law school to celebrate making it that far and for a much-needed vacation. I will be using money I am making this summer to pay for that trip and my sister is paying for half. We are taking Mom as a gift for doing so much for us. I understand your need for a vacation and if you feel that you can afford it, I would not give up. For our trip, Dad was against it, saying that I could not afford it (even though my finances are better than his ). I've been living on my own long enough to know that I can swing it and do need the break. Mom was also on my side. I sat my Dad down and went over my budget with him and explained how I needed this trip to look forward to during the rough times (I also have some health problems and depression so having something to look forward to is important). Once he realized that I had given it thought/done research/was being responsible and that he would not have to pay, he changed his mind. He knows that I will not have another vacation until I graduate unless its for a few days and realizes this is important and I'm not giving up (I can be stubborn!). I think that the most important thing to realize is how big of a contribution your parents have made for you (believe me, I know since I didn't have that help!) and DON'T do anything to alienate them because unexpected things do come up and you never know when you will have to go back to them for help or just guidance. Plus they are your parents and should always be important in your life. My best suggestion is just to talk to them. If they remain dead-set against the trip, don't go. Maybe you can go someplace closer/cheaper/shorter/etc. instead. Don't lose hope, though. Maybe once you explain your reasoning (remaining calm no matter how hard it can be! ) they will be persuaded. Good luck in whatever decision you make and in school!

[LauraF]

Since you asked your parents already, it would be rude to just ignore their advice. That said, it is their *advice* and you are ultimately responsible for the decision. If you were my child, as proud as I would be for you figuring out how to finance this, I would also feel very concerned about your finances (you'd be surprised about budgeting for grad school), and probably a bit hurt to be dismissed so you could go "play". Though I'm sure you've earned the vacation, it was only a few months ago you went, so perhaps you'd be better off taking a cheaper vacation closer to home as a compromise.

I also paid for ALL my own schooling and lived at home while waiting for grad school to start. It's hard to be at that point and I know just how much you want to get away, but it may be better to wait until you have a more solid financial footing first.

Why not have a "yay we graduated" trip in another year and compromise with your family and take a smaller vacation closer to home? That way you still can have your play time, but you also maintain harmony at home (while you still live there).

[Familyof4]

It sounds to me like you are feeling a little guilty about going. This also tells me you don't think it is the right thing to do. As my 9 and 6 year old sons have so often said to me...that kind of answer always really means....NO. I could be way off the mark, but that is my theory.

[Seasonscraps]

I don't think you shouldn't be able to go on vacation because your parents are paying for your tuition and not charging you rent - that's their choice. You are an adult, making good grades in an honors program, working and saving money - all of which shows you are responsible.

But...I wouldn't want to hurt my parent's feelings by disregarding their opinion after asking for it. I would talk to them again and see what they say after they had time to think about it a bit.

[Julie_Mouse]

Thanks for all the feedback everyone! I think I knew when I wrote the post what the right thing to do was.... just needed to hear it from someone else
In any event, I will try to talk to them again, but at the end of the day, I will probably respect their wishes.

[beksy]

BTW, Welcome to Intercot! I just noticed that you're new!

[Gregandmel]

Who knows, maybe by respecting their wishes and acknowledging that they are paying a chunk to further your education, they may see that as a really big step in maturity and give you their blessing. And if not - then it gives you something to really look forward to down the road. It's always hard to get excited about at trip to Disney, only to see it fall through. Good luck!!

[Julie_Mouse]

woohoo! I did sit down with them, and we discussed at length my budget, my plans for the future and their concerns. I won't say I managed to convince them, because that makes it sound like manipulation, but they are much happier after having discussed everything out in the open. I also feel waaaaaaaay more comfortable going ahead with this! Anyway, now I'm off to Disney Sept 2-9!

[Seasonscraps]

Thats GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am really glad you all worked that out. Have a great trip!!

[faline]

woohoo! I did sit down with them, and we discussed at length my budget, my plans for the future and their concerns. I won't say I managed to convince them, because that makes it sound like manipulation, but they are much happier after having discussed everything out in the open. I also feel waaaaaaaay more comfortable going ahead with this! Anyway, now I'm off to Disney Sept 2-9!

Sounds like you have wonderful parents who have raised a great daughter! Glad it's all worked out for you!

[mickeys_princess_mom]

Sounds like you have wonderful parents who have raised a great daughter! Glad it's all worked out for you!

I agree! So glad for you!. You sound like a terrific kid. Anyone who includes the word "stellar" in her everyday vocabulary is going to do really well.
Enjoy your vacation--the memories will help you during the long study nights.

[Gregandmel]

Make sure you bring back your parents a really nice souvenir from Disney!!!

[SBETigg]

I'm so glad you discussed it and it works out for you to go! Cool! Have fun.