Moving back in with parents???

[Disney Doll]

We have a growing family and need to get out of our starter home. Currently it's just me, DH, and DS, but we plan to have another child. We really need more space and I figure wherever we move to will likely be the home we stay in for a while. We were looking to build to be sure we get everything we want, but the builder says he's not taking any contingency offers because he's been burned a few too many times recently with potential buyers not being able to sell their old homes and having to back out. That really burst our bubble. He recommended that we sell first which means we would be "temporarily displaced" (I think what he meant was homeless) while he builds which should take about 4 months. I know the market is not at it's best, but I figure we'll be able to sell. There's always a market for starter homes, right? Well since I can't see any improvements on the horizon the plan is to go ahead and sell our home and be temporarily displaced while the new home is being built. I was really not happy about the possibility of having to live in some yucky rental for 4 months. Our baby is nearing crawling age and I am picky about cleanliness. Plus, we would have to find somewhere that didn't want us to sign a lease and would allow us to bring our pets (4 cats). As it turns out the rental properties that allow you to rent by the month and have no problems with pets are not the best kind of rental properties. So, my parents generously offered to have us move in with them while the new house is being built. They have a large home and it's just the two of them plus their dog. They are willing to take us cats and all. It would save us money we could put toward the new home and would ease my concerns about finding some place to live that's not gross. However, 4 months is a long time and I am nervous about how this would work out. The last thing I want to do is get on their nerves or outstay our welcome. I don't want this to put a strain on the relationship in any way. What do you guys think? Anyone ever had to do this and how did it work out?

Some pixie dust for the speedy sale of our current home couldn't hurt.

[kaerbear178]

Here's some pixie dust for you.
I don't know what to tell you about moving in with your parents but I wish you luck in whatever you decide to do.

[Scar]

... while he builds which should take about 4 months.

However, 4 months is a long time ...

I'm going to have to disagree with both of these points...

4 months is not a long time, in fact it is a very short time. Way to short to build a good house... the right way.

[BrerGnat]

Four months is not that long. Of course, it could take twice that long if anything slows down the building process...

My advice to you, if you feel hesitant at ALL about moving in with your parents is to fine a NICE apartment complex that will take your pets and sign whatever term lease they have that is the lowest (many "nice" places do 6, 9, and 12 month leases). Just plan to "break" the lease. This will cost you in a penalty charge for doing so, but it won't be much more than $1000-2000 max. Just know what the terms of breaking the lease are when you sign up. It's usually a month's worth of rent.

I, personally, could never move back in with my parents (or DH's) once we had our kids. It just would not happen...too many "issues" would come up, the least of which would be not feeling like I had any privacy, or the freedom to do as I pleased, since it would not be my home. Plus, with a baby, you'll always be worried about if he breaks something of theirs, or how much extra "stuff" (toys and baby gear) you will have to bring into your parent's home, and that may make it feel way too overcrowded in one house.

Good luck in whatever you decide. Just know that you CAN find a nice place to live temporarily and it doesn't mean you have to sign your life away on a lease. Leases can be broken, I've had to do it.

In the end, this is a decision you and your DH have to think very carefully about.

Also, are you sure there aren't houses out there that would be suitable for you? I know building your own home allows you the flexibility to make a lot of choices, but a lot of new homes are being built "to suit" where you can choose a lot of the amenities before they are even built. This might allow you to stay in your house longer, if you can get a house that would be move-in ready to your specifications.

[DizNee143]

i was little when my parents had to do this..but i remember we went to go live with my grandma for about a month...i really dont remember much..i was like 8 at the time..but my mom and grandma (her mom) are still close..it didnt do anything..granted we were there for a shorter amount of time..
i say go for it...if things get THAT bad..then go find a rental and just stick out for that little bit of time..
heres pixie to help you in whatever you decide to do!!

[bleukarma]

I would say it all depends on what type of relationship you have with your parents. Since they are offering then I assume it's a good relationship but you are also hesitant. I was always taught to listen to that little voice in the back of your head. If it's saying that its not a good idea then I wouldn't do it. But at the same time I don't think 4 months is very long at all. There might be days where it will be tiring but you will always know that in a set amount of time it will be over, it's not an indefinate decision. The extra money you save will be nice, but you don't want to lose your mind for the money. It's all points that you have to weigh.
Would your parents be willing to just take the cats so you can move into a nice rental for a few months? That's another option.

[MNNHFLTX]

I have to agree that depends on you and your husband's relationship with your parents and your ability to go with the flow. I have a niece and her husband who lived with her parents (my brother and SIL) for over a year, while their house was being built and did fine. In fact, it become a mutually beneficial thing, with both parties helping each other out in various ways. My husband and I (and our then infant son) lived with my in-laws for five months ourselves years back when we relocated back to Florida and were looking for a house. While I will always be truly grateful to them for allowing us to do so, it was a very stressful period in our lives. They have various quirks in their lifestyle (really, who doesn't?) and with it being their house, it was up to us to be flexible about them. However, one of the best days of my life was when we moved into our new place!

If your gut instinct tells you that the situation will be fine, then go for it. Just take one day at time and keep the goal in mind--your new home.

[disneymom15]

Go for it. We did it. Saved alot of money for our new house. Four months isn't that long.

[vicster]

We lived with my parents for 5 months while our home was being built (we had two kids). While I loved my parents dearly I would never do it again. It didn't hurt our relationship but it's too difficult to go back home after you've been on your own. In hindsight I wish we would've gotten an apartment to lease month by month.

[Disneydol]

We lived with my FIL for 3 months about 10 years ago when we relocated to the Houston area. His wife had passed away years before and he lived alone - so he gladly took in the 4 of us, plus the dog and the cat.

As far as I know, there was no stress. I cooked a meal every night - which he was not used to. He tolerated the cat, loved the dog, and really had a chance to bond with his grandkids - who were 3 and 4 at the time.

I think it helped that there was an END in sight. We weren't living there indefinitely - just for the summer while waiting for the new job to start. (dh is a school teacher) I'm sure that made a difference.

Good luck in your decision - and best of luck selling your house. We're still trying to sell a "starter" home nearly a year after putting it on the market. You are making a very smart decision to SELL FIRST. Believe me...

[Mrs. Bee]

We have a growing family and need to get out of our starter home. Currently it's just me, DH, and DS, but we plan to have another child. We really need more space and I figure wherever we move to will likely be the home we stay in for a while. We were looking to build to be sure we get everything we want, but the builder says he's not taking any contingency offers because he's been burned a few too many times recently with potential buyers not being able to sell their old homes and having to back out. That really burst our bubble. He recommended that we sell first which means we would be "temporarily displaced" (I think what he meant was homeless) while he builds which should take about 4 months. I know the market is not at it's best, but I figure we'll be able to sell. There's always a market for starter homes, right? Well since I can't see any improvements on the horizon the plan is to go ahead and sell our home and be temporarily displaced while the new home is being built. I was really not happy about the possibility of having to live in some yucky rental for 4 months. Our baby is nearing crawling age and I am picky about cleanliness. Plus, we would have to find somewhere that didn't want us to sign a lease and would allow us to bring our pets (4 cats). As it turns out the rental properties that allow you to rent by the month and have no problems with pets are not the best kind of rental properties. So, my parents generously offered to have us move in with them while the new house is being built. They have a large home and it's just the two of them plus their dog. They are willing to take us cats and all. It would save us money we could put toward the new home and would ease my concerns about finding some place to live that's not gross. However, 4 months is a long time and I am nervous about how this would work out. The last thing I want to do is get on their nerves or outstay our welcome. I don't want this to put a strain on the relationship in any way. What do you guys think? Anyone ever had to do this and how did it work out?

Some pixie dust for the speedy sale of our current home couldn't hurt.

I don't know about moving in with relatives. But as a last resort, i think it would work (depending on the family, of course.) Personally, I'd just get an apartment for a few months. But I don't know what the apartments are like where you live. We are currently doing month to month in a pretty nice apartment (while we wait for our house to be built.)

I'm going to have to disagree with both of these points...

4 months is not a long time, in fact it is a very short time. Way to short to build a good house... the right way.

Actually, the builder will build everything up to code (if they are a reliable builder.) And also an inspector would be able to catch anything that is off. Nice homes can easily be built in 4 months. I've seen it.

[Disney Doll]

you'll always be worried about if he breaks something of theirs, or how much extra "stuff" (toys and baby gear) you will have to bring into your parent's home, and that may make it feel way too overcrowded in one house.

This made me smile. In fact the baby may have just as much stuff currently residing at grandma's than he does at home. He's their first grand baby and they've gone a little overboard.

I would say it all depends on what type of relationship you have with your parents. Since they are offering then I assume it's a good relationship but you are also hesitant.

I think I'm mainly concerned about how DH will feel. They are my parents so of course I feel completely comfortable with them. I just don't want DH feeling like he's a guest in someone's home for 4 months or more. He says he doesn't care, but you never know until you are there.

Would your parents be willing to just take the cats so you can move into a nice rental for a few months? That's another option.

I doubt it. They are not cat people which is another reason I hesitate to move in. It's one thing if I am there to care for the cats, but I don't see my parents scooping litter anytime soon. There's lots of scooping with 4 cats.

If your gut instinct tells you that the situation will be fine, then go for it. Just take one day at time and keep the goal in mind--your new home.

That's what I keep telling myself. Nothing better to make you appreciate the new place, right?

Thanks for all the feedback so far. We have lots to think about.

[Quest4fun]

As long as you don't mind the prospect of living with your family for 4 months or so you'll be fine.
4 months is a very reasonable time to put a house together these days. I'll give some details and ultimately the proof is in the product but you don't need to take my word for it.

Many builders, with the exception of custom builders, are building homes out of a warehouse so much of lumber is delievered to the home already assembled. Many years ago they would cut timber at the homesite and in essence build from scratch. Some would argue this is a good way to miss details and causes more settling than you see in newer homes. Having the bulk of the cutting and assembly done in a factory ensures uniformity and allows for a less expensive home. It's not without its faults of course.

Month 1
It takes about a month for the foundation, basement or not, to handle a house being on top of it as long as everything is able to cure properly. Tarps and heaters will ensure a steady curing. The major plumbing pieces are done at this time as well.

Month 2
If the factory method is used your home can be completely framed and ready for roof and siding in about 2 weeks when using a building team of about 8 people for the framing. Roof, insulation, and siding can be done in another two weeks so your exterior is finished at the end of month 2.

Month 3
All of your internal stuff. Plumbing, electrical, and HVAC are done during this time. Many people have it inspected at this point since they won't get to see it after drywall goes up. Your drywall is done shortly afterwards. This part can be done with 4 to 6 people.

Month 4
The details are completed during the final phase of construction. Walls are textured and painted, carpet and flooring is installed along with the kitchen and trim. With the exception of the kitchen this is a very short process and can be done in a couple of weeks giving you time for final inspection and walk throughs before taking posession.

It is possible for a volume builder to get your house complete during this time. Remember you are using a volume builder so expect some uniformity to your neighborhood. In the end you're comparing a Lexus to a Toyota in terms of your home. You can spend more and get a better vehicle but the build process is about the same and either way you can come out of it with a nice home. It all depends on what you're looking for. Basic transportation (cookie cutter home) or a top of the line model with all the bells and whistles.

[murphy1]

Is there anything that bugs the other party or vice versa about the other? Magnify that 20 times over and that will be the situation possibly. My sister and her husband lived with the parents about the same amount of time and they almost all got to the crazy farm. Some people are fine with this. I couldn't live with my family nor the in-laws, but that's me. We lived in an apt and had cats, I think that's a great option, plus you can go month to month on a lease for a few extra dollars, we did that when our house was being built. I think with this economy, don't count on a quick sale, but if it does sell quick, that's an added bonus. Just picture your new house as the light at the end of the tunnel and you'll be in it before you know it.

[SBETigg]

My advice would be to do the short term rental anyway. It's not for long so you can live with it, even if it's not the best sort of place. It's a much better option than potentially destroying your relationship with your parents or your spouse. I had a wonderful relationship with my in-laws and living with them for a few months changed everything. We no longer speak. You just have no idea what issues will evolve, no matter how good the intentions are from the start. It nearly destroyed my marriage as well. The pressure on my poor DH to keep things going smoothly for everyone was intense and brought on health problems.

My other advice would be to find a new builder. This one is setting off my alarm bells. If he's solid in his business, taking risks of people not being able to sell and backing out is all a part of the job. He shouldn't be telling you how to proceed on that, and he should be in a better position to weather it should it occur.

[Quest4fun]

My other advice would be to find a new builder. This one is setting off my alarm bells. If he's solid in his business, taking risks of people not being able to sell and backing out is all a part of the job. He shouldn't be telling you how to proceed on that, and he should be in a better position to weather it should it occur.

Tigg has a pretty good point. If you're putting a deposit down on the property and signing a purchase agreement, he shouldn't care if you sell your house or not since you're contracturally obligated to take posession on a specific date. Most seasoned builders do not have any sale pending clauses that would allow their buyer to back out. This is something that low volume builders do to keep their overhead down and that ultimately means you may be purchasing an inferior product. Just some food for thought.

If your purchase agreement has a sale pending clause then I'm on the builder's side. I wouldn't build anything either if you're requesting an option to back out if needed. There's no reason for him to carry the cost of the home while you sell your home.

[ncscgirl2005]

We lived with my parents for 5 months while our home was being built (we had two kids). While I loved my parents dearly I would never do it again. It didn't hurt our relationship but it's too difficult to go back home after you've been on your own. In hindsight I wish we would've gotten an apartment to lease month by month.

I am about to move back to NC in June and even though I know we could live with my mom until we can find a place of our own, I am looking for a rental. Can't take the chances on that again and we have THE BEST relationship.

[Disney Doll]

My other advice would be to find a new builder. This one is setting off my alarm bells. If he's solid in his business, taking risks of people not being able to sell and backing out is all a part of the job. He shouldn't be telling you how to proceed on that, and he should be in a better position to weather it should it occur.

Actually it turns out that this is pretty common practice these days. He's not the only builder doing this. I can't fault him for wanting to cover himself and it's actually less risk for us in case we have trouble selling our house.

I had a wonderful relationship with my in-laws and living with them for a few months changed everything. We no longer speak. You just have no idea what issues will evolve, no matter how good the intentions are from the start. It nearly destroyed my marriage as well.

Yikes! This one kind of scares me. I know there's no way I could make it 4 months with my MIL.

Tigg has a pretty good point. If you're putting a deposit down on the property and signing a purchase agreement, he shouldn't care if you sell your house or not since you're contracturally obligated to take posession on a specific date. Most seasoned builders do not have any sale pending clauses that would allow their buyer to back out. This is something that low volume builders do to keep their overhead down and that ultimately means you may be purchasing an inferior product. Just some food for thought.

We won't have the 20% down payment unless we sell our current home. It has been common practice for builders do contingency offers which do allow you to back out. Not such a big deal since they are building homes anyway and can probably sell it to someone else. However, when the market is slow they don't want to have too many irons in the fire without the promise of a sale. We are not in a position to have 2 mortgages. I'm not saying the builder is in the wrong, I'm just saying it adds an extra kink to our plan.

I appreciate all the feedback! My mom seems pretty excited about the idea and has started planning where we'll put everything. She's basically offered to give us our own wing of the house- 2 bedrooms and 1 bathroom. Now I'm afraid if we back out she'll be hurt. My dad woks a lot and I think she's looking forward to the company.

[SBETigg]

There are lots of advantages. If your mom's excited and you know it's short term, it might work out. It helps to have your own space and make sure everyone knows to respect everyone else's privacy and needs. Best wishes with it.