Signing paperwork for assisted living today.

[disney obsessed]

This is the final push. I sign the lease today and my sister comes in tonight to help with the move.
The movers are set for Monday.

Mom still is refusing to go. She has had a sharp decline in function over the past two months. we spent last weekend in the ER.
When she takes her meds she is so much better. She needs to be there so that she will get her meds. I know that the decision I have made is the best one that can be made.

I still feel really bad.

To bad I am not in a fews hours drive of my favorite place inthe world. I need a douse of magic and escapism.

[ibelieveindisneymagic]

I am sorry, this isn't easy, but you know you've made the right decision, the BEST decision.

We went through this a couple of years ago with DH's grandma. She hated the thought of moving, but it just wasn't safe for her to be on her own anymore.

Good Luck with the move!

[Katzateer]

Going through this with my mom. She lived with us until we moved to PA a few years ago. Now my brother has had to move her into assisted care and it has been a long few months. She is settled after 6 weeks and is doing ok. Just wished I was closer to St. Louis and could check in on her a few times a week.

Know it is hard but hang in there.

[btharvey]

My mother's going to be 88 next month, lives by herself and can barely take care of things herself, lives 14 hour drive away, refuses to move and frankly if she lived anywhere but where she does, she couldn't cope.

We've tried to get her into assisted living, and she sees the benefits ... "but not for [her]." They're "death houses" pure and simple. I'm afraid we'll get her into something only when she's incapacitated.

I know it feels bad to do it, but when I fly down to visit her, see her one day, then she's very surprised to see me the next day, it's pretty obvious to everyone (including her -- denial is pretty strong).

You have our prayers and good wishes. If everyone could afford one partner to be the homemaker/caregiver and the other the breadwinner it would make things somewhat easier, but that'd still be hard.

We're thinking of you.

[MNNHFLTX]

I'm so sorry--that's such a tough, emotional situation. Good luck with the move. Hope your mom has a change of heart once she sees that everything's in motion.

[wdwfansince75]

Unlike many of the questions raised on INTERCOT, this one has no right answer; all choices are difficult, and leave someone, perhaps all, unhappy. At 70, I have multiple personnal views of this, as a possible future resident, from memories of loved ones who became residents, as the son-in-law of someone who lived with us for years after he should have been a resident, and as a frequent visitor to others who are residents. In each case, I know it is always a difficult, but usually necessary decision. I pray for all who are the families making these decisions. When DW and I decided that her dad would remain "home", it was a decision to sacrifice much to provide his care. Fortunately, we had loving family, especially (but not only) DS#1 and DDiL#1, who lived in the area. We shared the burden, the tasks, the sacrifice.

DW started a wonderful ministry, with a core group of talented friends, visiting Assisted Living and Skilled Nursing facilities, and providing songs, including Hymns. Even with my poor voice, I have found special peace in participating. We see the same people frequently, and consider them new friends. Many have few other friends. But we have friends who deliver Meals on Wheels, as my late father did for many years. He also, for most of those years, sang (much better than I) with a group similar to ours. He often stated that the residents at Nursing Homes were not nearly as lonely as many of those who lived on their own, and had few visitors other than the meal deliverers...

[Dopey's Girl]

My mom and her sisters needed to do this about 2.5 years ago. My grampa was having some pretty serious declines, which ended in them having to have the state step in to take his drivers licence. It wasn't pretty. He's doing better now (as well as he can be with Alzheimer's) and loves his new home.

I don't really have any advice, just wanted to say sorry that you are needing to make this tough choice. It's not fun seeing someone you love go through this change in life.

for making this as painless transition for all of you as possible.

[DVC2004]

I'm sorry.

The best decision is usually not the easiest. I am sure you are doing what is right.

[TheVBs]

I am so sorry that you have to go through this. You're making the best decision you can for her, and you're keeping her best interests in mind. I know this has to be heartbreaking, especially with her refusal to go. Lots of for all of you!

[PAYROLL PRINCESS]

I'm sorry you are going through all this. It's not an easy decision, but is sometimes a very necessary one and is ultimately going to give the assistance that's very much needed from the sound of it.

[disney obsessed]

she is madder than a hornet and still refuses to go. the movers get to her house at 10 am.

AAAAAAHHHHHHH'!!!!!!!!!!!,

[MNNHFLTX]

Oh boy.

Is there someone (other than family) that she trusts and might listen to--clergy, family friend, neighbor?

[Lizzy]

I'm so sorry the transition is not going well. I hope that someone will come along that she trusts that can help her to understand.

I am sure this decision is difficult for you. My BF mom is living on her own. I have been by to visit her and she has not been doing well. She is 75, and has a lot of health issues. She is overweight, diabetic, has cardiac issues and refuses to stick her to Dr's diet. I go to her house and her house is a disaster. She has been unwisely spending so much money lately and I am worried about what will happen in the next few weeks. My BF is sort of in denial that this is happening to her. I am not sure where to turn to get her the help she needs.

Hang in there, I will pray for your family during this time

[Melanie]

she is madder than a hornet and still refuses to go. the movers get to her house at 10 am.

AAAAAAHHHHHHH'!!!!!!!!!!!,

I hope you had a good outcome. Please let us know how it went.

I know all too well how you are feeling. We went through this exact thing last fall with my mom. Went to check out assisted living places, signed the contract and put down a deposit, bought new furniture and clothing for her to take, and the day of she refused to go. This was after intially refusing, then telling us all we were right and that she needed to go, and then ultimately changing her mind. I was already on the road back to Florida (I had to get home for my kids) and my brothers couldn't get her to go. She now has home health with her for 14 hours a day and they are responsible for getting her meds in her. It's been the roughest thing I've had to deal with in my life. Best of luck!

[disney obsessed]

Well, I feel the weight of the world has been lifted for now.

My sister took her to breakfast while I met the movers. Packed the truck and out in 45 min. called sis and went to the AL. I arrived first and had staff waiting for her. I was surprised she got out of the car!! she never would haveagreedto go on own but now all of her stuff was here and she had no choice. she has "agreed" to give it a try.

did I trick her? YES. I really had no option and I would do it again. She is glad to get someone in to clean for her, be around at night,and to not to worry about cooking, although she can have snacks, coffe pot, microwaving her room. she was smiling and ok when I left at 8. My sister spent the night with her and she leaves to go
back to NH today. one of the biggest concern she had was that we were "throwing her away" and giving up on her. she asked repeatedly how often she would see me and was surprised to hear that I would see her 3-4 x a week, same as now. I have told her this before but she finally heard it.

it's the fear of the unknown that was hard on her. change is hard for most people and harder on the elderly. I am very thankful to get her into a really good AL. I have been worrying about this since I was nine. My dad died the month before I was born and my sister left for college when I was nine. It has been me and her since and I have always felt a greater responsibility to her than my siblings.

today is my youngest's 16th birthday. yesterday she was begging to have her and I run away to Disney World. if only we could! I love that kid!!!

[Mickey'sGirl]

You must be so relieved! I am glad that things seem to be going the right way now!