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You'll survive this and you'll come out stronger on the other end. Get a good lawyer. No custody agreement with two present parents is ever drawn up by just one. The fact that custody papers were even in the works before the other spouse was notified of the divorce may work in your favor.
Positive thoughts and prayers for you and your boys headed your way.
"One little spark of inspiration is at the heart of all creation, right at the start of everything thats new, one little spark lights up for you!"
șoș
Mom to our little Prince Everett and Princess Adelaide
August 2020 Caribbean Beach!
Not all treasure is silver and gold, mate.
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I'm so sorry this has happened to you. Please take the advice offered here to get your own lawyer and fight for your rights. You have a wonderful support system here. You and your children will be in my thoughts and prayers.
"I'm so hungry! I sure hope those Princesses' can cook!" my DD before our breakfast at CRT
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thank you everyone. I have a consult with an attorney tomorrow, I'm getting served some time today. He has someone (most likely his bosses) paying for his lawyer, he told me they were given a $2500.00 retainer. We are in bankruptcy so I have no clue how I'm going to pay for a lawyer. My sister told me I will probably need to sell my jewlery. I just can't believe this is happening. My world has completely flipped. It's like when my son was first hospitalized and we were told he might die and would have if I hadn't brought him to the doctor that day. The difference is then I had my husband to lean on and help me through the rough parts, now it's him causing the rough parts. I had to go to my doctor because I can't eat, or drink and have been throwing up for days to get something to stop the vomiting before I end up in the hospital. He told me it sounds as if my husband has ice water in his veins. I don't get how you can tell someone you love them and still do this to them. He is still telling me he loves me it's just his family issues that's causing this. Word of advice don't marry a momma's boy who has a naraccistic sociopathic mother.
Coreen
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Don't be put off about finding a lawyer due to lack of funds. There are federally funded programs out there for help in civil cases. There are also state funded programs. You generally need to show financial need due to things like bankruptcy or medical bills, etc. We had a family member go through a similar situation. Though the lawyer who worked pro bono for her looked young enough to be her son he fought tooth and nail for her and things worked out in her favor.
"One little spark of inspiration is at the heart of all creation, right at the start of everything thats new, one little spark lights up for you!"
șoș
Mom to our little Prince Everett and Princess Adelaide
August 2020 Caribbean Beach!
Not all treasure is silver and gold, mate.
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I just wanted to send some virtual strength for you and your children. Perhaps your employer has some support programs in place that might help you with a lawyer and/or therapists that you and your children can speak with. Don't forget to take care of yourself!
Jennifer (aka Mickey'sGirl)
INTERCOT Staff: Guests with Special Needs, Dining and Disney Characters
Last trip: March 2016 - Fantasy
Next trip: Aug 2017 - Aulani
I am a Galactic Hero once more!
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Best of luck getting through everything.
Also, as hard as it may be, try to keep the process civil, especially with kids being involved. Venting on here is good for releasing some of the stress but venting to the kids, telling them the other spouse is , shouting arguments, verbal attacks, that sort of thing isn't good for anyone in the process.
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dnickels, I wasn't going to villianize my husband to my kids. I grew up with my mom and dad fighting and it was horrible. I plan on telling them I still love their dad (which I do) and always will and this has nothing to do with them. I've tried to make sure that even in the past when we've fought there wasn't any in front of the kids. He and his family don't have the same consideration though. I figure that when they get older they will look back and be able to say, wow mom handle that with class. I can't say it will be civil but it won't be using my kids as a weapon (at least on my part).
Coreen
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Coreen, he might still love you but if he wanted to be with you and continue your marriage, I doubt his family would stand in his way. Plus, I have never heard of a company paying for an employee's divorce. I suspect he has been hoarding some money without your knowledge, and/or he is using that as a scare tactic to keep you from getting help in getting a deal fair to you both.
Please don't let him sweet talk you- stay strong. I have no idea about your particular case, but in the majority of cases like this, the spouse has been carrying on his own affairs (financial and maybe romantic) in secret for years before the split. He has given himself plenty of time to get his ducks in a row before springing this on you. You have clearly been a loving, trusting spouse, and unfortunately being hurt by that now. Sadly, it's time to end the trust and stop believing a word out of his mouth. Hire the lawyer and put your faith in your attorney. Yes, it could get ugly and we all prefer an amicable split. But he has shown his character with this and you have had your eyes open to what you are dealing with- probably not the man you thought you have been with all these years. Amicable is probably out of the question if you want to get what you deserve here (though it is very admirable that you are keeping your character and not smearing him to the kids). He's counting on you to go along with what he says, and to get it all his way. Wishing you and your kids all the best.
Sherri
Next: Aulani Celebration 10/2018 (50th)
Past Stays: Contemporary, GF, Poly, BC, POP, POR, Dolphin, AKL Kidani, BLT
1990 August Honeymoon- GF
Delighted Disney Return Guest since 1981, DVC (BLT) since 2014
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I'm so very sorry you and your kids are going through this. It's definitely good that you have contacted a lawyer. I agree with everyone else...just because your husband says he has a custody agreement done doesn't mean it's enforceable at all. That's something that will have to be signed and entered by a judge and you will definitely have a say in the arrangements! Don't let him bully you and say that he has done this and he has done that...You have a say in this process just as much as he does!
And one thing to consider - sometimes in divorces when only one party is pursuing the divorce as opposed to a mutual split, the party who is doing the pursuing can sometimes be held responsible for the attorney's fees of the other party. Be sure to ask your attorney about this when you meet with him/her. It definitely might be a possibility, especially with the way he blindsided you.
I'm keeping you and your kids in my thoughts and sending positive vibes your way. You WILL get through this and you'll be stronger in the end, but I know how hard it is to get to that point. Keep your chin up and remember to take care of yourself. We're all here to listen when you need to vent!
Laura
"Any wish is possible. All it takes is a little courage to set it free!" Jiminy Cricket
25+ trips to WDW and counting! Stayed at: Poly, WL, Kidani, SSR, BLT, BCV, CSR, VB, POR, Jambo, OKW, CR, VGF & BW!
Next Up: Nov 2017 - SSR!
DVC Member & AP holder since 2008!
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I'm so sorry about this. What a rotten thing to do to someone! Get your own lawyer and fight for child support and alimony!
Kristin
Momma to two sweet boys: Myers and Jacob
36 trips and counting!
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I'm so so sorry that you're going through this. Try to keep up your strength as best you can.
The only advice that I can give is that it's time to get angry. Now. It may not be the best thing to hear right now, but you are so much better off without him if he will do something like this to you. As of now, you owe him nothing. Of course, try to make this as amicable as possible for the kids, but do not back down, which he may be expecting if he's already having a custody arrangement drawn up.
Ask yourself this, how can he set up a new residence, etc., if you're in bankruptcy? Where is he getting the money from? On top of the lawyer, hire a private investigator to see if there is another woman. It's not a pleasant thought, but it's time to play hardball now. It's time to think about what is best for yourself and your kids and you need every advantage that you can get so as to not be taken advantage of by your husband and his family. Do what you have to in order to get the best outcome for your kids. If that means selling your jewelry, then you may have to sell it. Gold is selling very high right now. Hopefully, selling any jewelry to hire a lawyer will not negatively affect your bankruptcy proceedings.
You write that you are in bankruptcy, so I'm assuming that there isn't a lot of cash in the bank. You may want to take out what's left in the joint bank accounts before he does and put that money somewhere else where he can't touch it.
As for it being normal to completely blind side a spouse like this, the answer is yes, if they are a selfish and inconsiderate person. Harsh, yes, but his behavior warrants the name.
God bless you and good luck.
Amanda
Mom of Jay and Sam
'Please stand clear of the doors. Por favor
mantengase alejado de las puertas'
CR - Jun 76, 85 & 89
BLT - Nov 11 & 13
Poly - Jun 80 & Jan/Feb 07
WL - Jun 97, Sep 05 & Dec 08
Next - Jersey Week 2015 Baby!
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I feel just so sorry for you. My beloved wife and I promised each other that we would never do anything like that.
I don't know what the rules for payment of spousal support are in your area. Garnishee-ing of wages is something to consider. You may still love him, but, personally, I wouldn't trust him from here to tomorrow on following through with support payments.
You will get through this and, like others have said, you will be stronger at the end.
Officially too many trips to list here!
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Not much to add to what others have said and the advice they have given... just lots of virtual support and to you. You and your children deserve way better than that!
Ellen
INTERCOT Staff: Dining, Disney Cruise Line, Guests with Special Needs
Next up:
Christmas with the Mouse
President's Week 2013
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Ditto to the attorney comment. I'm sorry you are going through this. It is not easy to do, but you will survive.
Rhonda
Trips to WDW: Priceless
Impossible is not a word.
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as others have said.... LAWYER UP! you may even find some in your area that do pro bono work
don't take what his dude says as truth... most lawyers lie... and lie a lot especially when they are working for the "enemy" in times like this
Hopefully you can get some resolve on this terrible situation
** Engagement Trip: 10/9/10 - 10/18/110 - (Fountains)
** Honeymoon Trip: 12/9/11 - 12/14/11 (POLY) & 12/14/11 - 12/19/11 (BWI)
** Two Year Anniversary w/ family: 11/8/13 - 11/17/13(Fountains)
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Coreen,
I just feel terrible for you and your children. I can't imagine how awful this must be.
My prayers are with you.
Don't waste time on getting an attorney, money or no money, you can't and won't be ordered to do anything without legal advice!! You have rights, and shouldn't be bullied.
Rely on good solid friends and family and use them as sounding boards and GET AN ATTORNEY!!!!
Oh my...this is just unbelievable!
Julie
Next Up:
Summer 2018... WE ARE BACK!!!
2 families
4 teenagers and Larry
Taking on the parks!
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SBETigg, you are completely right.
he has money stashed away and he has been keeping her on a short leash by not giving her money for a looong time.
I don't think anyone is giving him money, he's paying all by himself. Just one more lie.
He has planned this for quite some time and she needs to go to court to get an order that he has to pay for her attorney fees and start giving her temporary child support.
He has proven himself a liar and a deceiver.
There may still be love but there is no trust.
Dolphin & POFQ 2010
POFQ 2008
ALL STAR MUSIC August 2007
POP August 2006
Coronado Springs 2005
DCL trip December 2005
WDW DOLPHIN July 2004
WDW DOLPHIN JUNE 2002
WDW DOLPHIN March 1998
WDW OFF PROPERTY March 1994
DL Honeymoon 1987
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I keep waiting for the anger to come, and it does in short spouts but mostly it's just heartache. I just can't believe I didn't see this coming, I'm not a naive person. He gave no hints that this was in the works. I still think he's bipolar and this is one of his mood swings, he goes through things like this but not usually with out marriage. He made rash decisions when it came to buy our house, buying our vehicles things like that. It was need to hurry hurry hurry and do it. Then years later he says maybe we should've researched more things like that. maybe I'm one of those mood swings our marriage was and now he just needs out, I don't know. All I know is that my world has been completely flipped on it's edge. I have to take my oldest one in tomorrow for blood work tomorrow to see if he needs a transfusion which he probably will. those days are stressful enough for me under good circumstances tomorrow should be lots of fun. The poor hem/oc clinic won't know what hit them with my luck I'll start crying and the only time they ever saw me cry was when my mom died back in January. They've watched us go through over 7 years of living with DBA managing it and not seeing me break down, now I'm all tears.
Coreen
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I wish I had some advice, but I do wish you the best of luck and remember to keep your head up and while of course taking care of the kids, you must remember to take care of yourself as well. Looks like you have a good family support system, which is comforting.
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No practical advice but I wanted to send you a virtual hug! I will pray for you.
-Laura
Engineer by Day... Imagineer in my Dreams!
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