rug pulled out from under me

[Lisaj13]

When my ex and I separated he paid $45 a month in child support for our two daughters, and he complained to his lawyer that it was too high!

In our divorce settlement he got a three-year holiday from child support and in return I had to pay him less to buy him out of my pension, the house and the car. After that three-year period he has reliably paid $250 a month. That was 11 years ago now, and while we'll never be best friends we are civil to one another and he has been an involved parent.

I have a good relationship with his family after the first few difficult years. So, hang in there. This is a very tumultuous, stomach churning time, but I'm sure you'll get through it. There are calmer waters ahead, and a good life for you and your kids.

[Mickey'sGirl]

Isn't child support a prescribed calculation? It is in Ontario.

I actually googled Massachusetts child support guidelines and it returned a calculation sheet. Child support is an obligation that is required even with the most modest of incomes. This should be part of your separation agreement. Default of payment would result in garnising of wages. It sounds extreme, but your children need to be provided for ... and these amounts are not spousal support at all.

[DisneyMom12]

So this father of the year moved out last weekend. He asked if he could take the kids on Sunday and my sis said yes. She asked him when he'd have them back. He wand keep them for a whopping TWO whole hours. Wow, could he spare the time?

Then he wanted to take them this weekend but we already have plans. So he asked if he could take them Friday night to Saturday morning. She said yes again. Well, wouldn't you know it? Something came up.

I'm very much afraid my nephews are in for big disappointment from this man.

My ex was not very good about seeing my son. To help avoid some of the disappointment, and hurt feelings I never told him when his father said he was coming. When he did show up it was like a nice surprise for him. If he didn't show he was non the wiser, and did not get upset.

[azdisneymom]

I am so sorry you are going through this. From reading the posts you are not the only one. I have been married for almost 25 years so the only advice I can give is from a friend's experience. Imalismom has already posted this but ... Be careful of what you post in any public forum. You would be surprised what could turn up at these custody hearings. Please ask family members to be mindful of their posts too. Anything can be used as ammunition against you. We all need to vent and the support is invaluable but be careful.

My prayers are with you all.

[Stitchahula]

Thanks everyone, so far it's been a long rocky road and we haven't even set foot in a court room yet. He's not paying the full amount he should in child support because the court has yet to order him to, he's giving me just enough were it would cost more with lawyers fees to go to court than to just take what he gives me. I know I shouldn't be at this point but everytime he does something sneaky or underhanded I'm shocked.He is supposed to take the kids for their first overnight with him tomorrow and I'm a mess. I've never been away from my children, I know some people have no problem with that but I do. In 8 years I have always had atleast 1 of my children with me at bedtime. Thank you all for the prayers of strength and keep them coming I need them.

[laprana]

Are your kids old enough to have cell phones? If they are, and if they don't already have them, I'd recommend looking into getting them at least one they can share, and then they will have a phone to reach you while they are with their dad. It might sound strange because he probably has a phone they could use...but having a phone that's just for them and letting them know they can use it to call you any time they need to could be a big comfort to them while they are with him. If you are worried and nervous about it, then chances are they are too. Just speaking from personal experience...my parents divorced when I was very young and it was nasty, to say the least. When my sister and I were at my dad's for weekend visitation, he pretty much forbid us from calling our mom, which we always wanted to do because we spent 85% of our time living with her and being at my dad's was not comfortable or familiar. We had to call her in secret when we knew he wouldn't find out. But we both always felt better when we were able to talk to her, even if we were only away for the weekend. I'm just so sorry your family is going through this. I've been there on the kids' end of it and I know how hard it is. I'll continue to keep you all in my thoughts and prayers.

[emerzmom]

Been there...and there is HOPE...I promise!
Many years ago,ironically just after we returned from a trip to WDW, a chain of events occured that could be labeled as "having the rug pulled out from underneath me". I was hurt, shocked, and broke. My daughter was beyond devestated. It was really difficult that first year. Every event was another challenge...the first Thanksgiving, the first Christmas, birthdays, etc. were all new and different and sad and lonely. Honestly, there were times I didn't think I could make it through one more day. I had a very demanding full time job then being a single parent felt like more than I could handle sometime. Homework, dance class, band practice, house work, yard work, shopping, cleaning...and I was now the mom AND the dad. And, I was still dealing with the hurt and anger of my marriage. But, I loved my daughter more than life itself and knew that I had to pull it together and keep it together for her. And somehow everyday I got up and faced each day and tried to make the most of what I had.
The days turned into months and the months turned into years. Today, right at 10 years later, my daughter is in her senior year of college (completely paid for by me..no loans!). She is a beautiful, happy, smart, warm, and wonderful young woman. I am so very proud of her. In the past few years she has told me so many times what a wonderful parent I have been to her....what more could a parent ask for? It has been worth it all !
And just for icing on the cake... I didn't have the time, energy, or desire to date while my daughter was younger and living at home. I have to admit that there were some lonely times especially around the holidays, my birthday, an occassional Saturday night...
Well, about a year and a half ago I met the most wonderful man. He is kind and generous and loving and warm...and very handsome too :-) ...and my daughter loves him. He has recently asked me to marry him and we are in the process of moving in together. My biggest issue with him...he is one of those "I went to WDW once. It was fun but why would I do it again?"..type of people. I have hope because he hasn't been with me yet
I know this is kind of long and I am a fairly private person. I don't typically share things like this however, after reading this post I just couldn't help myself. I wanted you to know that it really can be okay. I wish things would have been different but I am so much stronger and self confident because of all of this. Today I can say that it was probably a blessing that this happened. I just didn't know it at the time.
I truly believe "those things that do not kill us make us stronger".
Hang in there!
Your Intercot Friend,
Julie

[PAYROLL PRINCESS]

So the judge gave him the kids EVERY weekend. Oh but we get them every other Saturday until 6pm. Then he can pick them up and bring them home Sunday at 6pm. Doesn't leave us aunties a whole lot of time to see the kids. We are used to spending every Saturday with them and going places and doing things. I hope and pray that he gets tired of having NO free time and of pretending to be a good daddy. At least enough so that we can spend time with the kids since we are the ones who enjoy doing things with them.

Daddy has them just sitting around his apartment doing a whole lot of nothing.

And once Coreen finds a job, she'll have time to feed them, bath them, do the homework and put them to bed. When does she get to bond with them and have fun too?

I just can't believe the judge thought that was a good solution!! I really hate the court system!!!!