A little Friday humor

[c&d]

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance
engineers.

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
*
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
*
P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit
*
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
*
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
*
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
*
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
*
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
*
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
*
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
*
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search
*
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
*
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
*
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
*
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

[ibelieveindisneymagic]

Thanks for the laugh...those were funny!

[Diznee4Me]

Thanks for sharing.

[watch4pixiedust]

thanks! those are too funny!

.......wonder if UPS has a direct flight from RDU to MCO.........?

[faline]

Very funny!

[TinkerbellT421]

LOL! Thanks for the laugh!!!

[DizNee143]

ive heard this joke many times..
and they always use a different carrier..but whatever..
they always get me to laugh out loud!!!
love it!

[Hayden's Dad]

Oh I needed that Thank you

[Princess'Mom]

Thanks I needed that! TGIF!!

[Jeff G]

Thanks for the laugh.

[beksy]

Thanks...I needed that!

[goofy for pluto]

[Meerkat]

ive heard this joke many times..
and they always use a different carrier..but whatever..

Yep. These maintenance log entries have been around for ages. Most were from the military, but lately they have been attributed to various commercial airlines. It doesn't really matter. They are still funny.

[PAYROLL PRINCESS]

Thanks I needed that.

[alphamommy]

Very funny!

We have a friend who worked as an electrical technician in the Marines, and he once got a pilot report with the one about the IFF not working with the switch in the OFF position.

Thanks for sharing!

[pianobabe]

I had never heard those before. I loved them. Thanks for the laughs!! DS and I thought they were hilarious.

[jrkcr]

Too funny!!!